Stahs was exhausted and the last thing just replayed on repeat in his head. Wagner claimed to be his sire, past memories he tried to forget, the vial smashing and the searing pain from it. Stahs stir as murmur no.

Bex watched him, the struggle that played out on his features as Stahs wrestled with the memories of what happened. He smoothed his hand through his hair, trying to soothe him as he stirred and murmured no.

Stahs continues to stir with regrets. He had the shot and lost it. Had his moment of revenge and he choked and it cost him.

“Hey Stahs,” Bex said, hoping maybe hearing his voice would either give him comfort or bring him around more “I’m here. I know it hurts. I’m not going anywhere though.”

Stahs stirred as he started coming too again. Have lidded he stared at bex a moment, it wss clear something changed. That hope that once burn wasn’t there much at all.

“Hey there.” Bex said softly as Stahs stared half-lidded at him. The look on his face and in his eyes made it clear the toll everything that happened had taken on him. “I’m here.”

“Do you feel up to feeding a little? It might help?” Bex asked gently.

Stahs looked away from bex, held up one hand. His face just twisted to pain, before the hand came near his eye. “Should have killed him.” He mutters.

Bex watched him as he looked away and held up a hand, listening to him mutter.

“I know…” He rubbed his back a little, “I’m here. Whatever you need. I’m not going anywhere.”

Stahs stared off now as he was grateful for bex, but it was clear he wasn’t good. He just says “you can go, don’t have to worry about us…..im sure you want to eat or check on alto.” Turning his head from bex.

“Not really.” He hugged Stahs a little tighter, “All I want and need right now is you.”

He brought a hand to Stahs’ cheek, the opposite side as his injured eye, trying to gently turn him back to look at him.

Stahs would hear bex, as he look sorrowful. “Perhaps you should check on everyone. Ask indi how everything was.” He told him.

He grab bex by his wrist to stop him from pulling his head back, he didn’t know the damage of his face, but could tell it was bad. He was blind now in that eye.

“I-indi’s not here… he left as I was arriving back with you.” Bex said softly.

He stopped as Stahs grabbed his wrist, he didn’t want to force him if Stahs didn’t want him to look. But he wasn’t about to leave him alone right now.

“I’m here. I’m sorry I wasn’t fast enough, didn’t get there soon enough, but I’m here now.” He said quietly.

Stahs heard his words on indi and closed his eye… shaking his head “all of you should leave….staying here is curse….should get away.”

“No its not. Its not a curse… We’re all going to have to go somewhere, yes. This place won’t be safe for long, not if Azazel has his sights on you. We’ll figure it out.” He squeezed his shoulder gently.

“I promised you I wouldn’t leave you and I meant it.” He said seriously.

Stahs furrow his brow “no….im not leaving ” he told him flatly. “I dont care.” He shook his head. “Fine do what you want.” He told bex

Bex just held him as he spoke, listening to his words. “If you don’t you’ll be dragged to an even worse place than we’re I was made by someone who terrifies even Wagner. Maybe you don’t care, but I do.” He said as he laid his head on Stahs’ shoulder.

“I will. I’m not leaving you.” He said, lapsing into silence as he held him.

Stahs just stared off “what does it matter? ” he felt defeated and not, he was conflicted. “I am not one to be scared. Let him come. I’ll burn him and the place myself. “

“It matters to me…” He said quietly, staring at the sheets as Stahs spoke.

“I know you’re not… but I am. I don’t want to lose you or be taken from you again.” Bex whispered.

Stahs turns to look at bex “you won’t. If you so wish to stay with a monster then fine….im never letting anyone think they can push me aside.”

Bex lifted his head as Stahs turned to look at him. He didn’t flinch or try to avoid looking at the injury, staring at him head on.

“I wish to stay with you, but you’re not a monster.” He said, softly but firmly.

Stahs growled “look at me…..you dont get it…im done with trying to help people. Others take advantage of it, i made a slip up not striking wagner….if i had never…..i….” he look away with anger.

Bex listened as he growled, watching him solemnly.

“I am looking.” He said, “I know you’re angry, and maybe you’re right… I don’t think you should give up helping people, but I can’t force you to do something you don’t wish to do.” He sighed.

He twisted his fingers in the sheets, not knowing what to do or say.

Stahs closed his eyes “i am a monster created by a monster. Why do you stay. After everything wagner did and now you know he made me…why stay?” He ask.

He listened, gazing at him empathetically.

“I stay because I love you. He may have turned you but but you’re not him. You aren’t a monster, just the victim of one.” He reached to set a hand on his shoulder.

Stahs look down ” i didn’t kill him…i had him and i didn’t kill him.” He said brokenly

“I know. I killed him when I saw what he did to you, but he won’t stay dead.” Bex said. He wasn’t sure if Stahs was able to do so permanently. “Though… as fucked up as this sounds maybe that’s not the worst outcome. I.. I think in some weird way Virus, and Wagner, and that shifter Gears love each other.”

Stahs sneered “then I’ll kill them all.” He said.”wagnet…this gears….and virus.” He was filling with hatred now. “They think they can take from me and get a happy ending ….no.”

He listened to his words, his brow creasing with concern. Before his conversations with Voltaire he probably would’ve jumped on that hatred, fueled it. He knew Voltaire was right though.

He took a deep breath, “No, that’s not the answer here… I’m not sure I know what the answer is yet but killing them isn’t it. Voltaire’s right, everyone deserves happiness… even after what they’ve done to me, I know he’s right.”

Stahs glared at bex and grab the shifters neck. “I don’t give a damn. They’re going to die.” He hissed. He then snarled “fuck Voltaire. Bastard acts high and mighty, but he’s just a pathetic coward. He’s wrong. Not everyone deserves happiness. Not them.”

He didn’t try to pull away as Stahs grabbed his neck and snarled, gazing back at him unafraid, his mouth set in a determined line.

“Maybe you don’t give a damn but killing them won’t make things better.” He said, still softly, “You are better than that.”

“Maybe Voltaire is just that… but he helped me be able to soul bond to you. Traded my soul back to me. Helped me save you from that shit eating a hole through your brain. You wouldn’t be able to kill anything if he hadn’t bargained me that vial.” He sighed.

“Virus is hurting. Because I took the one good thing he ever had. That’s why he turned to them. They embraced him. Cared for him.” He frowned.

Stahs growled “im done being better. Being better does nothing, gets everything taken from you.” He told bex.

Stahs shook his head “he could have brought you back, he could have done alot of things and doesn’t .” He hissed. “Why bargin….he could have given it to you and didn’t.”

Stahs shook his head “thats no excuse. Stop defending them, they deserve to die.” He had so much pain on his mangled face.

“Does it? I’m still here aren’t I?” He gazed back at him, aching for a way to ease the pain he knew could never be so easily alleviated.

“True. But that’s just how he does things, I can’t claim to understand how he thinks and I’m not stupid enough to think he’s on my side. I mean yeah it would just be nice if he just did all that stuff but you’ve known him longer than me. That’s just how he is.” Bex shrugged.

“I’m not. What they did wasnt ok, but I tried to have Virus murdered because I was a paranoid idiot who never gave him the chance to be better. What I did was far worse.” He gazed at him pleadingly, “Maybe they do deserve to die… but I still don’t think that’s the answer.”

Stahs stared at bex. Letting go of bex, he would shake his head “i want them dead….i want them all dead. They all should suffer.” He told him. He hunch as he held his head “im so tired of losing people. So tired of the ones i care for being hurt…..im done. Im done trying to help.”

“I know… I know you do.” He looked at him worriedly. How did he reach him? Bex moved to wrap his arms around him from behind as Stahs held his head and hunched over.

“I know love. I know…” He repeated, resting his forehead against his back. “Either way, I won’t leave you. I still love you.” He said he would love every part of him and he meant it. If he had to walk with him in darkness to bring him back out he resolved to do so.

Stahs collaspe into bex. He just frowns and says “they hurt you….took you from me.” He told him, with so much sorrow and pain. “He’d been close this whole time.”

He held him as he collapsed against him, trying to wrap himself around him as much as he could.

“They did, but you found me. I’m here.” He nodded softly. He was glad he met Stahs, so in that sense he was glad Stahs had been turned and became the person he was, but he also knew the knowledge deeply pained the vampire.

“He’s a creep like that.” He sighed. “And trying to keep you from his boss so he probably positioned himself go keep tabs on you.”

Stahs grab bex, digging his nails into him “the whole time?” He was just raw with fresh memories that wagner open. “I’ll kill him” he hissed.

He gazed at him empathetically, feeling the nails dig into him.

“Probably.” He said honestly, still holding onto him.

“I know, I know you will. Right now you need to gather your strength though.” He said, he might not be able to convince him otherwise now or possibly ever. He could hardly blame him, not after what Wagner had done to him, feeling the fresh memories through their bond.

Stahs curled up on bex “i never should have stop searching for him. I should have found him sooner and killed him.” He hissed weakly. He would just hold bex tight “i….should have killed him……i hesitated…i never hesitate..”

He wrapped his arms tight around him as stahs curled up on him.

“I know. Its not your fault. He used your memories against you.” He murmured as they held tightly to each other.

Stahs ended up crying against bex. For one happy to have bex, but the other was he felt he betrayed bex and himself.

Bex just held him, letting him cry. Rubbing his back at little. He couldn’t help crying as well, staring up at the canopy ceiling of the bed. There was no simple balm for the myriad forms of pain Stahs faced, all he could do was be there for him and take it moment by moment.

Stahs just laid ther against him crying. Letting everything out. All the pain, the rage, the sorrow he felt. “Im sorry i couldn’t protect you better.” He told him.

Bex held him through all of it, every now and then petting a hand through his hair, or rubbing his back.

“Shhhh. No one could’ve anticipated what happened.” He said, “I’m sorry, just… for everything you’ve been through.”

Stahs just laid there confused of emotions. He would just try to reel back from it

Bex laid with him in silence, processing everything that happened. He had to stay close to Stahs, that was all he knew at the moment.

Stahs had passed out yet again.

Bex held him, just staring upward. He tried to fight to stay awake but the last time he’d slept was before his capture. Eventually his eyes fluttered closed as he gave into exhaustion.